Friday, December 2, 2011

Because it was Time I Speak Honestly...

this song sums it up

The last few days had me feeling a form of anxiety that I have never felt before.  I'm not sure when the compilation of worries became too much or what to call it... but my mind and heart have been very heavy.  I am admittedly a sensitive person, I take everything to heart and I will mull over a single word and its meaning for days.  I know there are changes in my life that I would like to make but have been too lax about... or perhaps too scared to see through. Two days ago I made a decision that has been very hard for me to make the last three years.  I do know there is good to be taken from every situation.  For one thing,  I started reading "The Anti 9 to 5 guide".  A book that aims to help women break free from the terror of work they despise and make a living doing what they love.   The fact that I am unhappy at my current job, is no secret- so I now ask myself "why have I not left?"  At the end of the first chapter there is a suggested exercise- to write down everything you have ever enjoyed doing-be it playing cards, building a bird house or learning your ABC's, then write things you think you might enjoy learning or doing and lastly write down the things you despise doing- i.e. working in a cubical, answering to corporate bosses or working on the weekends.  I will share part of my first list with you.  After finishing the first chapter and my list, I was inspired to sort through my clothing, books and belongings and have made boxes of things to give away.  I want to move forward- mentally and physically and feel lighter - I have had too many things holding me down- be it worries or physical possessions.  I now feel one step closer to severing the ties to this unfulfilling life and venturing in to one where I get to be happier and more free.  I will say this too, maybe as a subtle reminder to myself- that one day we will all find someone who is both supportive and kind- and that is a beautiful thing.
Keeping with the honesty of this post, I was sent home from work tonight after spontaneously bursting in to tears... and not being able to stop them from flowing for a solid 15 minutes.  After all my makeup had run off and I caught my breath, I sat down to write this post.  The first line of this song is "Love of mine, Won't you lay by my side and rest your weary eyes."  Now perhaps you see the connection. 

Here is the list inspired by Chapter 1 of "The Anti 9 to 5 guide"

 what do you wish you could be or do?  


  1. I feel where you're coming from a bit. Not quite as extreme, but I truly believe I will do something bigger and better. I saw this blog today and after crying, decided I want to work toward it.

  2. What a beautiful, insightful and honest post! You're growing so much and your're getting healthier in the process! Hang in there, Darling! You are working through all this and the end result will be a healthy, beautiful woman ready to accept a beautiful love!

    I love you! xoxoxoxo

  3. We have a few things in common! Event planning is definitely one of my biggest passions! That is the aspiration im working towards now and I can't wait to see my vision turn to reality.

    I have an event coming up on the 15th that you might be interested in:

    Find my group on Facebook, She's a Boss. It's a local networking group. A few other planners are on there too. Would be great to have you a part of the group =)

  4. Good for you, Jen. Purge! You are going through a transformative period in your life. You are growing!! I'm here when you need me! xox